Category: Let's talk
I've wanted to post this for a while but I wanted to make sure I worded all of this just right. I see plenty of profiles on the zone that say such things as "don't be a jerk" and "don't make nasty comments towards me." Obviously I get that. The problem is I've sent PQns ssaying something like "hello how are you?" Ya know, just something to get the conversation going. But prior to hitting the post button I feel compeled to say that I'm not some pervert. After that the person will say "in that case I'm doing quite well!" What I am getting at is, are we all so horrible that you need to be so guarded? I mean, it just seems cold at times. Why not give someone a chance and if they're creepy do away with them. I hope this makes sense and isn't to rambly.
Makes perfect sense. I must say though, I usually don't respond to PQNs that just say "hi." I don't do it to be rude but it just seems generic. If someone is going to take the time to PQN me, I hope they'd have more to say than just "hi." Sorry, I know, that sounds bitchy.
Well... some people feel like some people will start immediately hitting on them. makes sense. :p
But me, I'm willing to talk with anyone so. yeah
Oh I get it. What I'm getting at is why be so protective about it? Are people that horrible on here that they must be avoided?
My thing is, if I talk to someone on here for the first time, it will be something like hi, I see we both like this or that author, or this or that band, or whatever.
From the first point of contact prospective, there is no good or bad, just self protection,
and finding mutual interest. If someone start with the conversation with hi, how are you?
The chance of the conversation to bring forward is quite minimum. This is most generic
greeting, and it will also have the most generic answers as well.
I think initiating a conversation is hard, but if you really want to get to know someone, or
have a meaningful conversation with them, be more creative, and more deep and inside
instead of just a generic hi, or what's up, or how are you.
Margorp, I've noticed this tendency toward prickly, off-putting attitudes in profiles here, and online just in general, so it's not just this site. It's unfortunate that people feel they need to be that guarded, to issue a blanket warning to people they haven't even spoken to! I'd be discouraged from trying to approach such a person, it's too much work, and they just come across as rude and unpleasant, and there's enough of that in the world, without me seeking it out.
I agree with Margorp. Many, not all, seem downright unfriendly even when their profile says something like, just drop me a line and say hello. Though I understand that hi is not that exciting, but to expect every new contact to be mind blowing is not realistic. When you meet anyone, even in person, usually hi is how you start. Then, if answered the conversation can develop. No offense, but I do think it is bitchy not to at least reply. Do you do that in person if a guy says hi?
Folks I find are just uptight.
If a male sends a femaile a message, it is assumed he is wanting some sort of sexual conversation, or whatever.
I, have tried to just talk to people about something they said of interest, but it doesn't work.
I've been sent messages from femailes for whatever reason, and I don't assume right out she's interested in me, but it just doesn't seem to go the other way.
Sure, maybe I'm interested, or maybe she's interested, but all that doesn't matter until we've talked a bit, right?
Chatting online is harmless until the person says something that makes you uncomfortable, but people just are uptight and won't even give it a chance, so I suspect they are same off line too.
I sent one lady a hello, because she had talked about her place she lived, and I was interested in learning more about her place, and she put me on ignore for just saying so.
Laughing.
Ah! Life.
No, I wouldn't ignore someone who said "hi" to me in person.
I don't assume someone has tacky intentions until they show me otherwise.
I don't think I have any such disclaimers on my profile.
Perhaps I'll respond to a PQN that just says "hi" and see what happens next. lol
its just the zone. we have a few creaps, luther k, music richy, I'm looking at you. And because of the reputation those mentioned and others like them in the past have given the zone, I am sure you all can understand why. it only takes a fiew.
This has been said but think about how you are in real life. At least be polite. If you find someone to be perverted and really a bother to your person deal with it like an adult. I don't understand the off handedness.
I think it's a defense mechanism. Speaking personally, I've approached some of the people on this site, and in other places too, who seem prickly, and I usually find that they're not quite as antisocial as they seem. It's something they use to weed out the silly ones who want to flirt shamelessly. They figure that the people worth talking to will at least make the effort anyway.
Of course, there's a flip side. Some perfectly well-intentioned people will see hostility and run the other way. So it's not quite so simple.
But yeah, I think it's just a defense against unwanted attention, and unfortunately it seems more common, here at least, among women than men, because you see fewer pushy women around here than pushy men.
That makes sense but at least say I'm fine how are you or something. If I pass someone on the street and I say "nice day out ay?" Most of the time that person will at least respond in some way.
I always respond to a PQN from someone for the first time. Yes, I will read the profile for that person and form some kind of opinion about them as being of interest as a friend, whether male or female. Also to find points of common interest for conversation. Must admit that I am reluctant to reach out to someone first. But that's probably more out of shyness than suspicion and that's the way I am off the Zone as well. There are a few that I have learned not to respond to because they are proaned to inappropriate questions and comments. Guess I would describe myself as cautious, not suspicious. And in my opinion, that's a good healthy approach to communicating on the internet.
This is getting interesting. Are we saying that one actually needs to protect one's self more online than in person?
Frankly some people will say much more inappropriate things from behind a keyboard than they'd ever dare say in person. As such, I can understand some reticence on the part of some of those who just want to be left alone, or who don't want to deal with anything sketchy. Like I said before, it might be a bit much, but I understand where it comes from at least.
But it's just words on a screen. So is this simply oversensitivity?
Why do you need to protect yourself?
Online it is just words, so if these words aren't acceptable to you, you can stop responding and reading them. All social sites have a way to block people.
If you get rebuffed, and you figure you make that effort as Shep says you should, what will happen then?
In my book, if someone rebuffs me the first time, I will wait for a few days, provided, I really want to talk to them and say something silly about it.
If they rebuff me again, I leave them be.
That same person, and it happens, will come back to me later and want to ask me something technical, or whatever and they expect me to answer. Now, why is that?
Smile.
I do. I never rebuff anyone.
Sometimes I think a persons online behavior says something about how they really are. Online, you can be open and odd, or bitchy as you like, but in person, you'll get quick feedback.
I treat people same online as off, but I think people feel they can let the hair down so to speech behind a keyboard.
So, if you're a bitch, well.
Part of This comes with what sort of persona One wants to create online or offline. I
believe in transparency, why be someone different online than offline?
But that ddoesn't mean i need to be all upfront with you for the first time for the initial
conversationeither.
Ultermatly, you are who you are, just like i am who i am.
For me personally, if someone greets me with hi, how are you, I'll answer it back as fine
thanks you? And leave it at that.
Unless, there are some other follow up conversation going on, if not that will be it.
This is not being cold or unfriendly, this is just somewhat, an auto responds.
Just like, if i pass someone on the street, I'll greet them with a hi, or how are you, but i
don't expect them telling me every bits of their day down to what brand of milk they have
in their coffee or tea.
Hens why i said, to initiate a conversation is not just hi and how are you, but it is
something more.
Maybe can start with something that is general, or something that you find them
interesting either from their profile or from their posts or public exchange.
To Wayne, online is just words, but some people have the ability to use those words to
hurts others, beyond what they might do in person.
Because it is online, some think that they do not need to take that responsibility or they
can simply be an ass. Online bullying is definitely exist, and, to add on, with social sites
like Zone, there are freaks around as well, for the sake of being A freak, or something
else.
How about responding to a weird question with something that has nothing at all to do with said question? That can be fun.
Sure, I understand that Joanne, but these words you can simply stop reading them when they become objectionable.
You don't have to put up with being bullied in a one on one conversation.
As you say, you don't need to tell them your life story, or anything else they want to know or talk about either.
I don't understand why people do.
If the one on one conversation isn't to your liking, say thanks and move on.
I do understand some people can't, but maybe offline they put up with more then they should as well.
I believe in what they call bullying, and it is wrong, but one on one, it will stop as far as I see it with a keystroke.
Yup, alt F4
Unfortunately, in most areas of life, the bad people or bad experiences stand out more than the good ones. The bad people also tend to get the loudest press. So sadly, people, especially men on this site, get judged by the bad ones who have given this place the reputation it has. No, not everyone is that bad, but once someone has been burned, they're liable to be much more guarded from that point on.
Yes, online is different than real-life in this sense, imho. Not only are people more likely to say things from behind a keyboard that they wouldn't say in person, sometimes it's easier to let one's guard down when talking online more than one should. God knows I've done this, and gotten burned for it. I wonder if the way some profiles are written is a combination of trying to weed out the creeps on here, but also as a roundabout reminder to the author to keep their own guard up pretty high.
I just picture people with their arms folded in that universal sign of defensiveness.
yeah, I've learned to protect myself more on the internet. If people ask for my number and we actually facetime and the conversation turns from cool to creepy, then there's a chance I'm not talking to that person. And, yeah, there are a few creeps but they lurk everywhere.
But you have a thick skin. I've said creepy stuff to you and you were fine. lol.
The thing is that words are still being processed. Whether you hear them from someone's mouth, hear them from your screenreader of choice, read them with a braille display or see them with your eyes, you are processing the language. If someone saying a specific thing would creep you out in person, it's likely to creep you out at least a little no matter how it comes to you. It's difficult, some would say almost impossible, to shut off that first clamming-up reaction. Oh sure, a person saying something on the internet, where you can shut off their access to you, will ultimately mean less and endanger you less, but in those first few moments, it's all about reaction.
And some people are so sick of that feeling, that reaction, that they want to ward it off as best they can. Some even go to the lengths of disabling all quicknotes to try and cut down on what they have to deal with.
So yes. You absolutely will be able to process online words eventually, and can probably safely assume that they won't affect you as much as words delivered face to face. But to just say "Hand-wave it, what's he gonna do? he's just a guy on a computer", I think, is a little shortsighted. A person gets there eventually, but you really can't discount what will occur before that dismissal actually happens. We can help what we do, but we often can't help how we feel, especially at first. Please remember that.
I wonder why being guarded is being seen here as an awful thing. It seems to me that people are taking offense at differences in people's personalities. What I mean is that some people have all quicknotes turned on and others aren't social outside of posting on the boards. I'm one of the latter people. I say in my profile that I don't socialize here, outside of posting on the boards. In other words, I make it perfectly clear where I stand from the get-go if people read my profile. Still, I don't understand why people's differences in personalities are being made out like we who don't choose to be social are rude both online and in person. That's simply not true. It's called people using their freedom of choice to choose how much or how little of a particular thing they wanna participate in. Not just that though, but posting on the boards for some of us is a way to blow off steam when we're really bored. Both of those things happen online and in person, and usually no one takes offense at differences in personalities like we're talking about here.
Oh I understand. We do all have triggers obviously.
Well, if they write it in a profile I assume their personality is unfriendly.
It is hard for me to believe a person that is warm and open in day to day life, will not be on a social website, unless they are putting on a front.
As one member wrote "fake as fuck"
That topic made me laugh so hard.
If you take the time to actually write something on the defence in your profile before you even know the people, it just makes me thing that is probably how you are.
I don't even try to contact anyone with something like that in the profile. What for?
Oh oh, Fake as fuck, wow, Wayne,that topic, you should go update it so that all the new
zoners will have the chance to read it.
Part of me are wondering, is men are more open than women on the World Wide Web?
Are women or girls or ladies, see more reasons to be protective than men do? And
because of the protective, or reserve persona, it might come across as cold or distant?
As to ther other bully thing, well, actually, it can be worse than simply words and what
not. It can be as searious as cyber stalking, or, it can be worse, and that can leads to
other complication either in person or online as well.
Really interesting observation.
If you are like me and want a good laugh here's that topic.
It is under Getting To Know You.
Gong jhoo Fake as fuck.
Ahh, there's a nice little trip down the Zone's memory lane. LMAO
Hmm, well, now I'm waiting for someone to PQN me so I can try being nice and sociable. lmao
Personality is one thing. If you're cold you're cold.
https://www.zonebbs.com/boards.php?t=26734&qn=1
Ah the fake as fuck topic. Are you saying that more people are more fake than we thought?
No. I just thought it was funny.
It was her opinion.
I suppose if you are putting on a personality, wouldn't you think it be playful?
I have met people that seem bitchy online, and they seriously so off too.
I don't know.
Me, I'm just the same old ho.
Laughing.
Some people could also be antisocial. Then why go on a social site?
What I really want to know is why the "victims" so to speak in so many situations are the ones blamed. Yes, yes you could hit the ignore button. That's on you to do to stop the harassment, always assuming the harasser doesn't decide to get to you another way. We can and should be careful. But it seems rare to hold those actually perpetrating the problem accountable. It is never the victim's fault. That's like that silly story about a blind person handing someone a bunch of money and trusting the person they hand it to will give them the proper amount back. Should that blind person have known better? Yeah, probably. But it still the fault of the person choosing to be dishonest.
Agree with Chelsea and Remy.
And this sight is not just social. There are games and such and heck, maybe an antisocial person may not want to take part in a conversation but still might like to know what people are saying but from a distance. Why be so judgmental? You are just engaging in the same behavior of which you are accusing others.
Maybe you are being defensive! (Tongue in cheek) :) Smile
Well, I will talk to most folks. However, I read their profiles, first. I had some bad experiences, elsewhere, and know there's no protection from harmful words, or sexual advances out here.
I was once on a telephone chatline, and was honest with folks, telling them I was blind, and had a positive attitude. This guy, (perv), said, and I quote:
"It would be nice to rape a blind person. They can't see who's raping them, so the person will get away with it."
The cops, or even online people cannot protect us from that crap.
On here, I've been asked:
If I'd change someone's diaper.
If I'd say certain words.
If I'd touch certain parts of my body.
If I ever had syber_sex.
If I wanted my cards read.
If I'd visit a guy in another state, because he wanted company.
If I'd date a girl.
If I'd go out with someone who was lonely.
That's only a few things. Someone even suggested I move in with them. And, guess what???? The same stuff happens in real life.
It's not you who ask "Why are you so rude?"
It's the horney, the pervs, the desperate, the person coming online for a "Quicky," And others.
Maybe the nice guys should have a chat with the others. They will not come out and defend themselves. They hide behind the Private QuickNote, because, they are cowards. I say this not to offend them, but, because cowards will not face a spotlight.
I'd be glad to face those I accuse. However, I know they will deny, deny, deny, deny.
I faced someone I accused, or was going to. He was so scared of a blind woman, and he could see, that he pleaded guilty, to lesser charges. He could face me alone, when he had the upper hand, but, not in a court room.
That's the kind of people we protect ourselves from. Not the creator of this topic, or folks that are gutsy enough to post their frustrations. It's the chickens that get us all in defensive knots.
I'm sorry, that "Bad Guys," exist. Also, I'm sorry for the bad girls, too.
Blessings In Christ,
Sarah
I have no problem with people being anti social and just wanting to play the games.
The problem is when they state something like "well, I don't want anyone bothering me or whatever. If you say hello, they get upset about it.
If they just either ignored the hello, or question, or greeting, that be okay, but when they get mad because you dared to even send them a PQN, something wrong with that picture.
So,I see them as uptight. Just how I see it.
Some people are victims, I understand and some foks will ask questions, like "will you swallow me? Smile.
But everyone isn't going to, nor wants your body, dirty talk, or whatever you have in mind even before you know what they even want.
Here, I guess, if people contacting you really bothers you, turn everything off, and ignore the rest, but don't leave it open, then throw a fit because you got sent a hello.
Thank you Wayne. That is exactly what I am talking about. I've been asked creepy questions and I just ignore it. By that I mean I don't put them on ignore, but run the comments through a filter in my brain. Yup, you need to get one of those.
Okay, Margort. Just have to ask though, if I am going to benefit from your advice. Which did you mean that I need, a filter or a brain? And where exactly do I find it for sale? Laughing.
ahahaha
I loved that. Laughing.
Here is the thing though: people who complain about the fact people, online people at that, don't return a hello, is pretty silly. Here is another thing: when people such as myself are only active on the boards, the reason is because that is how we want things to be. If I wanted to welcome people sending me private quicknotes I would state that specifically in my profile. So no I don't understand why people are getting bent out of shape, especially considering this is online that we're talking about. What is so hard for people to understand about simply coming to this website to blow off steam or kill time? Because speaking for myself only, when I wanna socialize, I socialize with real people offline, not people online who I've never met and likely will never meet. Talking to real people in person is far more satisfying and engaging in my opinion. And because I'm sure someone will come up with "Well what about those who don't have that option?" I say to you "figure out a way to make socialization happen." I'm not saying it will be easy but I am saying that we all had to overcome shyness, fears ETC. I didn't like just talking to people but guess what? I realized that if I wanted to get places in the world I uh, had to communicate with others in order to get places that I wanted to go. It's no different for anyone else.
Ah come on! Give me a break.
Chelsea. Nothing wrong with not returning the hello, or whatever.
The thing we're saying, is why do people like yourself have to be a bitch about it when someone extends that hello?
Even you've gotten upset about it, and that is what we're talking about.
Fine, you don't want to socialize, that is your choice, but why make the person that has no idea feel bad because they tried to with you?
Also, Chelsea. If you have a question, or wish to talk to someone that seems interesting, or whatever, what do you do?
You send them a message.
Now, if that person has seen you don’t want to be bothered, suppose they ignore you with the button, or just don’t answer you?
Will you simply go away after the first try, or will you explain how it is you know you’ve got everything turned off, but…
Seems to me, and of course, I’m wrong, that a person such as yourself could graciously just say hello back, offer a smile, then let the conversation or communication lag. The person will get the idea that you just aren’t a talker and most likely go away.
If you are being bugged, I’d agree, at that time it be correct to put them on ignore.
This is all if you have your communication channels open however. If you don’t, then you can come, blow your steam in peace. You’ve not complained that these people on this site, whatever it might be, aren’t people you’d want to talk to.
Also, remember, that when you want something from these people unless it is an open board topic, you can’t send anyone a one on one hello, or question. It must be public and for the general population.
It is online, not real, right?
So, what do you say?
Great points and I'll make another one. Chelsea, I've read posts where you complained about people judging you without getting to know you. How can we get to know you when you close yourself off. You seem to go through so many phases. First you're gay and all about gay pride, then your straight and complain about gay pride, now you close yourself off to communication.
They have good points. You can't have it both ways. It's something I had to learn. And frankly, the way you parade your "Attitude," Chelsea, I'm not really sure you're someone I want to know. You portrait yourself as stuck-up, illusive, inside a barrier that nobody can break, and you seem to like it that way.
So, unless you want to change, please don't gripe that nobody knows who you are. It's your own doing. I'm not trying to be mean, it's just facts. Truth is truth. That's how you let others see you. I'm sorry if reality is harsh, but it is. I think you need to hear how others see you.
I'm not one to judge, because, I hate being judged. I'm going on appearances only. Like I said before, you can't have your cake, and eat it too.
Blessings in Christ,
Sarah
speaking for myself, I just like to play word games. maybe I'm stuck up or rude, but that's what I like to do. the anagram family of games are my cocktails.
My queston although directed to Chelsea isn't about her only. She is not the only person that feels as she does.
She has posted, so I'm asking questions on her post, not her.
When you are nasty, you deserve that nastiness reflected back at you. Just sayin'.
Sarah, I'm clear on how others see me, and that doesn't bother me. I don't lose sleep over the fact that people online choose to see me in a certain light. However I fail to see how the fact I've changed throughout the years of being a Zone member, is seen as something bad. Am I more closed off than I used to be? Sure, but that's my choice and that's exactly how I want to be.
Wayne, as I have said, I don't communicate with most people on this website unless they engage me in an interesting discussion or I do the same with them. So when I have a question about something that isn't related to this site, coming here is not my first place to look for answers. If I have a question about this site I'll make a board post about whatever it happens to be or again, use alternative methods to find my answer.
As for the fact I choose not to respond whenever someone sends me a private quicknote or when someone on here doesn't get to know me, I can't control what others do. The only person I can control is me. And although I've observed that people don't get to know me, again, I can't control what others do or don't do. For the record though, people act like it's impossible to contact me just because I have private quicknotes turned off. That is their choice, but considering that there is no way to turn off private mail, I have no choice but to keep private mail on.
I am still surprised that people here seem to interpret things as being rude, when they don't even know the people they're talking to here. At least I don't take it personally when people don't answer me if I contact them. Maybe they've just closed their web browser, maybe they forgot they were signed into this site or maybe they're having a bad day and just don't wanna talk to people. All of those reasons are probably things that occur more often than most here might think they do.
Not exactly what I asked.
Sure, people have a bad day, but if they just feel they don't wish to communicate, they should expect others to want to talk to them when they do.
Now, this is for you. I know you will open a conversation when you want to.
That is what I mean.
Sure, you can be selective, but my point is, don't act or get upset when people attempt the same exact thing you do. Politely send a hello, then stop talking.
Or if you don't reply, don't, but don't contact folks either I guess.
You shrug us all off by saying, "oh well, it's your choice to view me this way." The trouble is, you don't let people in and that's your choice but don't turn it around on us. Don't be so snarkey.
You seem somewhat defensive, if it doesn't matter. However, I've seen you as a critical and judgmental person, who can't handle the treatment she gives others, when they give it to her.
I just said something somewhere else that people will probably Ignore. And, at least, I know what to expect. However, I'm tired of being left out of real activities. See, the way you are so stand_off_ish, makes me think you don't even want to try. I will try where I hope to make myself heard. However, I'm not gonna get bent out of shape, mostly. Yeah, if they don't pay attention to what I have to say, I get butt-hurt. Wouldn't you? However, when you say something, and mean something else, I don't know what to think.
Blessings,
Sarah
Wow Sarah with all of this harsh truth spewings you should take the blessings signature off. Lol.
I'm glad that it was Margort who made that last post instead of me. Must admit that it has crossed my mind though. So for thinking it Sarah, I should say sorry.
Yet another thing I don't understand. You don't need to hide behind giving blessings.
Smile.
Blessings.
Forereel.
Laughing.
I'm just gonna be blunt, if you feel the need to put some kind of tag on your
greeting of hi which makes it clear that you're not a creeper, you have security
issues. Work on them. Some people don't like to receive messages asking them
their bra size. You claim to understand this. That's good, then don't ask them
their bra size. They're not being prickly, they're laying down a boundary. I
seriously doubt they need you reminding them of the fact that you clearly aren't
pole vaulting that boundary. They can probably pick up on that fact by reading
your note, assuming it only says hi. If you aren't the type to ask a random girl
their bra size, congrats, those lines in the profile don't apply to you. Three
cheers to you. Now get over yourself.
I agree with you that we have our reasons for opening up or not opening up. All I'm saying is don't be bitchy when someone is actually friendly.
I have private quicknotes turned off, just because I have had the occasional person just say hi at me, usually a teenager, usually a male, and usually somebody who, according to their profile, had nothing in common with me. That doesn't seem very interesting, plus if all you do is tell me hi and inquire how I am, it doesn't make me interested in talking to you. I'm an introvert and I don't care for small talk, necessary though it might be.
Despite my opinionated self, I really end my messages that way, because I want to. But, I can take a little ribbing. It's cool.
As far as pqns, I don't bother turning them off. When I do, it only stops the private messages, if I'm invisible. Think it's always been a glitch with the system. And some people have said some spooky things in pqns, while others, are as nice as a southern bell's peach pie. I like Apple better. Laughing.
Blessings,
Sarah
I think it's worth giving someone the chance before you are rude to them. I don't think you should have to feel compelled to say you aren't a creep. There are some creeps on here, but being cold/rude to everyone isn't the answer.
Agreed.
I don't mind hi or hi how are you, if you intend to continue the conversation
after whatever I respond with. and don't always expect fine, because that's just
the ritualized response. If it ends there then no. or hi I am bored, and you don't
have much more to say then save your breath I am probably going to say oh or
I see. and move on and do whatever I do. I'll try to be polite though some of
those people think I am being short or rude or a jerk or whatever. I don't know
honestly what am I suppose to say. Do you intend I entertain you? I am not
doing that. or I can't sleep. sorry to hear that but okay. What do you want me
to do about it? I can't do anything, next! hahaha! but seriously. If Hi how are
you is the beginning and you go on and say something pertinent, then okay. I
am an awkward person in social situations. I am getting a bit better but, not
quite. so, I try to be careful. plunging in to say I think we share this interest
and start talking about it seems random and almost imposing. I use to do this,
then wonder why no one, well, okay very few people wanted to talk to me. I'd
be careful. so, I don't see anything wrong with hi or hi how are you if you intend
a more coherent response.
I just think there have ben so many creeps, jerks and flirts, that you really have
to be careful on here. I get the trepidation. I don't think you should state it too
prominetly but mentioning it isn't that bad if it's a sidenote like mine. I don't
mind talking to anyone either, but I don't have to be rude about the fact that
I've encountered too many of those on here.
The point I was trying to make with this topic is a point that bleeds over into the offline world. Not all guys are assholes. Sad that some bad apples spoil it for the rest of us.
Wonderfully interesting topic! I definitely was so excited when I created a profile on this site ages ago. And I must say I could find very few friendly profiles around. It's sad, but nowadays I only answer when someone talks to me first. And hello is the most normal way to start a conversation. One can't be brilliant and interesting from the first sentence; moreover, first impressions are rarely lasting, so it is very arrogant to pretend that if someone didn't make you laugh or cry from their very first word is someone boring and unworthy of your amazing presence.
I also have a big problem with assuming that everyone we don't know is a potential evil. This brings us to those who say they need self-protection. Well, personally I believe that living is already taking risks. Life is all about making mistakes, falling, getting up, trying, falling again. That's what we are suppose to do, living is also getting hurt sometimes. If you can't deal with that, then maybe life itself is too much for you.
I always do my best to be curteous, helpful and enjoy making friends. I made mistakes in the past, I didn't like everyone I met, and this is likely to happen again. But I prefer that to the alternative of missing on a wonderful friendship, just because some other particular person in my past was not that great. It is cruel and unfair to start any relationship by not trusting, and it doesn't give a chance to anyone. No one is perfect, but this doesn't mean that everyone around will come and kill you if you open up to them. 99 out of 100 people are nice and kind, so even when I don't like someone, I prefer to try again, and again, and again. Patience and an open mind are my keys, and I do encourage anyone who wants to listen to use them as well.
P.S. I promise not to turn you down if you say hi to me. It's elementary education and I don't expect you to be a genius just because you want to befriend me. I'm not one either by the way!
Vlad.
Rachel, your post points to a dilemma though. There have been quite a few women on here who say that if a guy just says hello, or how are you, they ignore them, because it is not interesting. So, guys will look at a profile trying to find what topic, or off the wall comment might get a reasonable response and opening to talk. So, then you and others say, but that is too forward and presumptuous. I agree with Margroup the sad assumption seems to be that guys are all assholes and jerks. But then any of us who attempt to be civil end up getting quashed because we are either too careful and boring, or because we are too forward and presumptuous. It is a no win situation really. Sure there are creeps on here. That is why the ignore settings exist. I say, take a chance, and if the guy becomes a jerk, block him if he will not leave you alone.
I agree with you bill. I don't agree with this view, I'll talk to anyone unless
they're deliberately creepy or something like that. It has to be bad. or so boring
and I know they don't want anything beyond I am bored. that's just what
people have told me though. I answer anyone, myself. It's just others.
Sometimes you have to be really careful. Maybe they just don't want to talk to
guys and trust no guys? Maybe the solutions is just to leave those who seem
that way. I think that stance should be a little more clear, but then that's wishful
thinking because I actually think it's more subconscious now I think of it. I don't
have any patience for that type of stuff, but okay whatever.
Again, this bleeds into the offline world. The psychology behind this lack of trust is interesting. Hey, we've all been hurt but that's life.
I think there are certain indicators and precautions you can take with the people
who may harm you, so you can find them out by talking to them. Some are just
not as aware. Then again, you kind of need to be a bit cynical to really have this
mentality too hahaha!
Well I just say.
I'm Forereel, what is your shoes size?
Laughing.
Are your feet in the pool?
I agree with poster 76, Vlad, on this subject. My aim in coming on the zone is to be friendly and make new friends.
It just amazes me about how sensitive some can be. I'm the black sheep I guess.
Oh I am not sensitive either, and I don't tend to take things personally so I have
no such issues.
Well, it is just the case. Us men get it worse.
Sending a PQN to a woman here is a toss up no matter how you approach it, so I just do the right thing. Be silly.
Laughing.
It's sad that's what it is.
Well you can't hold back the ocean with a broom.
I can try hahahaha! *kidding*